I should be studying...

Have you ever had one of those moments when you should be doing something important (like studying for a test or reading something for class, etc.) but you just don't want to do it?  Yeah, I'm feeling like that right now.  I'm supposed to be reading a 20 something page short story by Eudora Welty for a lit class...but I'm not interested in it.  Yeah, I know I'm a Mississippian, but I'm sorry, I'm no Eudora Welty fan.  Her work is mostly boring to me and it doesn't make much sense.  She goes all the way around the world and I lose track of the point of the story.  I'd rather read Flannery O'Conner, which isn't saying much because I don't care for her work either, but the two authors are similar and given a choice between the two of them, I pick O'Conner.

Anyway................

I hope to have an easy week.  I'm done with my news reading for the radio this semester, so that means I'll get home on tuesdays at 4:00.  YAY!!  That makes 2 days a week that I get home before like 7!
I really shouldn't complain.  I'm glad I'm able to take the classes I'm taking (even though it's 18 hours) because there is a SLIM chance I MAY get to graduate ON TIME.  I'm also thankful I have a job, even though it takes a lot of time out of me, because so many people don't have jobs or any source of income.  Even if I didn't have a job, I know daddy would still pay all of my bills but it's nice to be able to handle some of them myself.  I like feeling like a big girl.  :) 

I'm still worried about fundraising and coming up with all of this money for my summer mission trip.  It's almost time to have all the money turned in and over half of it is still not here.  Although that's bothering me, I know that God will provide it... He's just teaching me some lessons in the process... mainly FAITH and PATIENCE.  I have trouble trusting in things I can't see.  I don't see the money right now, so it's hard having faith that it will all be there when the time comes for it to all be turned in.  I want it to all be there now, but God is bringing it in slowly.  A little here, a little there.  But all in all, the little amounts add up.  I've really gone out of my comfort zone with my fundraising.  It's obvious God wanted me to do that.  He will provide the funds, but I had to be proactive.  It's just discouraging when my efforts all seem to fail...  I know they haven't "failed," it's just that results are coming at a really really really slow pace.  It's almost crunch time and I'm not seeing many results from any of my efforts.  Maybe that's my problem.  I'm putting too much emphasis on "me."  I went out on a limb to send letters and make contacts.  I designed the t-shirt that I'm really trying to sell as a fundraiser.  I put on the garage sale.  "I" "I" "I" "I."  I need to let go of myself and just put it in God's hands.  I realize that I by myself am not going to come up with all of this money.  It's waaaay out of my league.  It's going to take more than what a mere person like myself can do on her own.  It's going to take a divine intervention- something that only God can do.  I've got to let go... take my hands off of it... understand that I have done all I can do... and let Him handle the rest.  He tells us not to worry, that it's all in His hands anyway.  I just need to take a deep breath, let go of my worries and shortcomings, and place it in His hands.  I must get to the point to where I can say "I'm done.  I let it go."

Here's my prayer:

Lord, I realize there is no way I can do this on my own. I have done all that I can and I see few results.  I've tried for too long to handle it on my own, and that has all been foolish.  I've placed too much emphasis on myself and trusted in my own efforts instead of Yours.  For that, I am deeply sorry.  I know that with You all things are possible and that if this is Your will that I go on this mission trip this summer, then You will provide all that I need.  I'm taking my hands off of it.  I'm giving it to You.  I pray that You will help me to have faith and to remember this prayer whenever I start to doubt or worry about funds coming in.  You will provide it in Your time, not mine if this is indeed Your will.  I also ask that You help me to remember this prayer whenever I start to take matters into my own hands again.  Help me to remember that I gave this burden to You, and there's no reason for me to worry about it anymore.  Thank you for using this experience to teach me and to grow my faith.  It's so wonderful how You have such a purpose in every little thing.  Thank you for this chance to serve You this summer, and to tell others about You and the things You do that simply amaze me.  I love you, Lord.  I place this in Your hands. 
In Your name,
Amen

Peace and much love,
B