Hard to believe

I've really been thinking a lot about my trip this summer.  It overwhelms me to think that I will be going in less than 3 months!  That's less than 3 months to finshing fundraising, get stuff together, and GET MYSELF READY!  Am I ready to spend a month in a foreign country away from everyone I know?  Am I ready to face the trials that are going to come along with all of this?  How will these people accept me as a member of their community?  I DON'T SPEAK THEIR LANGUAGE!  God has a purpose.  He called me to this.  I distinctly remember the 3 times I almost backed out of the whole thing.  Every time something physically blocked me from taking my name off the list.  I went to the interview.  I was accepted.  I'm going.  I still have hurdles to overcome though.  Theres a ton of money I still have to raise... It seems like it will never happen.  But I know God will provide it.  Everything belongs to Him anyway.  He'll spread it to where He needs it to go.  Right now that seems like one of the biggest obstacles.  Mission trips are expensive.  Even with the mission board helping me out I still have to raise a lot of the funds on my own.  It's something I'm really praying about.  Its so easy to have faith when you see the whole road in front of you.  Its when you can't see a path that faith is hard.  Its also easy to believe something in your head.  Believing with your heart is another story.  That's my current struggle, and I don't mind admitting that I have many struggles and faults.  I know I'm not alone.
So here is my prayer:

Lord, I know You hold all things in Your hands.  Nothing is too difficult for You.  You also know that I am human and I am very frail.  My faith falters so many times.  I ask You to provide for me where You see necessary.  It all belongs to You anyway, and I believe You will provide for my needs as You see fit.  I am going on this trip in Your name, and I want You to recieve all of the glory from it.  You have given me gifts and I want to share them with others and in the process, bring others to You.  I know You are giving me these trials to increase my faith, and I pray that You will help me to increase in my faith and grow in You.  Thank you for all of your many blessings.  I love you.  In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Peace and much love,
-B

Catching up on a few things...

Ok, so it occured to me today that it's literally been forever since I updated this thing.  I know I said that I was going to update it atleast weekly, but as you can see... that didn't happen... Ha.  Anyway, life's crazy, who wouldn't agree with me there? 

Let's see...
18 hours of school each week... (that's 6 classes and one is Shakespeare, so that counts as like 3 classes in one)
10 hours of work each week
random times I have to write for the newspaper and or yearbook (which I love)
doing radio work for my Journalism 272 class (which I also love)
studying (and reading Shakespeare (like) and or random American lit books (boring, so don't like) for my lit class)
Bible study (that's my brief moment of sanity)
trying to go to the gym.  (yeah, I laughed when I typed that...)

Yeah, life's crazy.

But regardless, it goes on.  I've had so many good ideas lately to blog about, but found no time to get on here and write them. :(  I have awful time management skills.   

So here goes my attempt at a blog for tonight.

SELF IMAGE

Me at age 4.  I did my make-up myself...  My daddy thought I was beautiful.. :)

I've written about it before... I did a bible study on it... but it's still something that plagues me and I know I'm definantly not alone.  Self image is something I struggle with everyday, and every day I have to pray for God to help me find satisfaction in the way that He made me.  For example, I found myself spending like $20 tonight on beauty supplies... What the heck?  I went in Walmart to get one thing and come out with a whole lot more.  And that's not the first time.  I almost bought a beauty magazine to go along with it, but I came to my senses and put it back on the shelf.    As a woman, I know I'm not alone when I say that beauty really does seem like everything sometimes.  People can tell you you're beautiful all the time but sometimes you just don't see it.  You don't feel it and until you do, you feel pretty worthless.  But why do we feel worthless?  Is it because of what we see on tv?  Satan makes us feel that way. He knows that's a place where women are vulnerable.  If he can make us feel self concious about the way we look, we'll take our focus off of God and put it on ourselves instead.  

I've gotten to where I feel pretty guilty after I say I'm ugly or not good enough or something negative like that.  It's like God's reminding me "Hey, I made you.  You're made in My image Beth and I'm not ugly.  I took time to craft you Myself in your mother's womb, giving you unique qualities that mirror Me.  You're my artwork, and everything I make is beautiful because I make no mistakes.  You're exactly how I wanted you to be and I have a purpose for you the way you are."     

It's neat to think that as humans we are made in God's image.  We have qualities that reflect His.  We women have something uniquely special special about us that men don't have.  We have certain characteristics of God's heart that set us apart.  We reflect the softer side of the heart of God.  Whereas men have His strength and His leadership, we have His gentleness and His loving mercy.  There's a reason why daddies are the head of a household and mommies are the heart.  We even have something unique inside us that gives us the ability to sustain life.  It's so beautiful to think about.          

So am I going to go to bed tonight thinking I'm ugly?  No.  Will I wake up tomorrow thinking negative things about myself?  Possibly.  But I can rest assured that God will replace those negative thoughts that Satan throws at me with the positive reassurance that I am absolutely perfect and absolutely beautiful the way I am.  The way He made me.  In His image. 

"Let your beauty not be external- the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes- but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God's sight."  - 1 Peter 3:3-4